“The Truth About Approach Anxiety”

by Cory Skyy 

Guys often ask me, “Cory, how do you teach your students to get over approach anxiety?” 

The answer always amazes them. 

“I don’t.  There is no such thing as approach anxiety.” 

I’ll admit it.  I lose a lot of guys at this point.  They think I’m crazy.  Problem is, they’ve read reams of articles and posts by “community” guys on the internet and nothing—absolutely NOTHING—will convince them that there is no such thing as approach anxiety. 

“Approach anxiety” is not a medical or scientific term.  It was invented by the community to identify the feelings of nervousness guys feel when about to approach an attractive woman. 

Well, I’m here to say that it’s all a bunch of B.S. 

Even though many guys think I’m full of it when I say this, I don’t care.  Because the ones who really “get it” stick around to hear what I have to say.  This is the 2% who are willing to hear something different and aren’t brainwashed by a million internet posts.   

These guys usually become my best students.  They’re willing to think outside the community box and take chances on something that actually requires them to put in some effort. 

Truth is, what I teach is not easy.  It’s not for the faint of heart.  It requires dedication, determination, persistence, and practice. 

But the fact is, once I’m done with a student, he doesn’t even recognize the phrase “approach anxiety”. 

When you walk through the world as a confident and powerful man… a man who drips sexuality everywhere he goes… you don’t need to approach.  You don’t need lines.  You don’t need hypnotic phrases.  You don’t need routines. 

It’s true.  Attraction is the most normal gift given to all of humanity.  It’s been around thousands of years before the first pickup “guru” wrote a post on the internet. 

It’s within you right now.  You were born with it. 

So what’s the problem?  It’s that society has taught you to hide the sexual giant that resides within you.  We have been conditioned by B.S. “rules” that teach men to be whiny butt-kissers.  When it comes time to actually exude some sexuality, the “rules” kick in—causing a conflict in our brains. 

That’s where the anxiety comes from. 

For example, I personally have zero “approach anxiety”.  When I walk into a bar… heck, when I walk into a supermarket… women are immediately checking me out.   

Any one of them are willing to talk to me so I don’t even need to walk up to them and start talking.  Even in the supermarket, I can get them to hover near me by communicating sexuality through eye contact.  I never even think about approaching. 

This is what I teach my students. 

And it’s powerful.  Two years ago, if you told me I’d be teaching guys how to do this I would have said, “No way!  You can’t teach that.  You either have it or you don’t.” 

But the results I get—from guys who initially thought I was full of B.S.—are stunning.  I myself am constantly amazed at how many seemingly-hopeless guys can transform themselves from shaky balls of anxiety into men that drip sexuality… with just a little coaching. 

Learn how to awaken the sexual giant within and you’ll forget what the phrase “approach anxiety” even means.

 

“The One Word That Will Stop Women In Their Tracks To Talk To You”

by Cory Skyy 

It’s not a pickup line. 

It’s not a routine. 

It’s one word… 

“Presence”. 

I talk a lot about the word “presence”.  But a lot of my new students don’t fully understand the concept until I get them out in the field. 

Have you ever heard a woman say, “I don’t know why I like him.  He’s just got that… I don’t know… that certain something.” 

When a guy with strong presence walks down the street, he drips sexuality to the point that women are checking him out from a mile away.  It’s much more than just a certain look.  Presence can be defined as the intersection of three elements: style, body language, and mindset. 

Let’s talk about each in detail… 

1.  Style. 

Yes, there is such a thing as dressing sexy for men.  No, this does NOT mean wearing a tall hat or a vest with a flashing LED display.  The guys who wear that crap are shooting themselves in the foot by being un-genuine. 

Your style has to reflect the genuine you.  Yes, it needs to be sexy and fashionable.  But it also needs to make a statement about the kind of masculine man you are.  If you’re not a biker, then don’t dress like one.  If you’re not a rockstar, then don’t dress like one.  You can have a flagrantly sexy style without being un-genuine to yourself. 

And you can’t just wear what other guys wear.  I wear a lot of ripped jeans and skimpy shirts that show off my chest.  This works for me.  This won’t work for a 6’5” skinny guy who hasn’t been to the gym in years. 

Developing a style that works for you takes time, but it’s something that’s worth the effort.  You’re going to have to get somebody else involved here to help you… somebody who understands style and who isn’t afraid to tell you, “That looks awful!  Throw that away now!” 

2.  Body language. 

This is another area in which you absolutely need someone to point out what you’re doing wrong.  There are things you do that you have ZERO clue about… because you just don’t see yourself from a third-person viewpoint. 

The body language of a man with a strong presence is different depending on your height, weight, and physical features. 

George Clooney slouches and looks sideways while he’s smiling.  That’s a look he’s learned to develop over the years and it works for him.  Brad Pitt, on the other hand, has mastered the look that says “I have it all and I’m bored with it”.  That works for him. 

I have a powerful body language that says “I love myself”, a powerful belief that turns women on.  They have ZERO DOUBT that I believe in myself completely… because I do. 

Which leads to the third (and most important) element of presence: 

3.  Mindset. 

This is where it all flows from.  You can work on tweaking your style and body language for the rest of your life, but you will never drip sexuality if your mindset has even an ounce of doubt. 

This is the hardest part of becoming great with women, especially if you have a lot of mental baggage.  Truth is, most guys do.  For years, we have been fed bad information from our close friends, family, television, music, and society in general. 

We have been told to be “good little boys”… “don’t brag”… “please others”… “be nice to women and send them flowers”… and assorted other B.S. all our lives. 

But a man with strong presence who drips sexuality has learned to tune out all this negative (and false) “programming” that is so ingrained in some of us that it causes a kind of paralysis.  Guys are literally STUCK in one point of their lives, unable to move, because of conflicting beliefs in their minds. 

Some seek therapy.  Some seek religion.  Some seek a “pickup guru” who can help set them straight. 

But if a “pickup guru” teaches only approaching and conversation, then the guy will most likely stay stuck in the same spot… because he’ll never address the real problem… the “bad programming” that still runs in his brain. 

If you want to be great with women, this is why it’s so important to spend 99% of your time on developing a “magnetic mindset” that cancels out all the B.S. that’s been injected into your head all your life.  The people that put it there for you probably had good intentions… but I guarantee they’re not great with women. 

When you fully understand what “presence” is… and you take the steps to develop it by perfecting your style, body language, and mindset… women will be saying “I don’t know, he just has that certain something…” 

And they’ll be talking about YOU.

 

“Don’t Approach Women All The Time”

By Cory Skyy

One of the questions I get asked most often is:

“Cory, all the other pickup gurus force their students to approach every woman they see.

Why don’t you do this?”

The short answer: It’s creepy, and it’s easier to do the prep work and have women come to you.

It really is. I’ve watched guys who have been through other boot camps go up and approach almost every single woman in a bar.

What have they just done? They just sent an alarm out to everyone in that bar that they are a creepy m.f. They obviously have no sense of connection, quality, or awareness. If you just go randomly talking to everybody, you come across as needy and it sends out a bad vibe to every woman in that place.

I am not saying that you can’t be social; all I am saying is that if your intention is to go out to a bar just to talk to women then you will come across creepy. I have seen it way too many times.

Stop it now.

Here’s what I do when I walk into a bar:

I enter with power and presence… with a belief that “I’m the prize”. This is projected to the entire room through my body language, my posture, and my eyes as soon as I walk in. I check everybody out. I gaze the entire room. I make eye contact with pretty much everyone in the place. I find the “sweet spot” which is the place where I can stand and gaze at the largest part of the room. I order a drink. I chill. I talk to whoever’s around me where I’m standing and continue to gaze around the room even when I am talking.

Many guys go out and start a conversation with someone (which is fine) but they tend to give 100% attention to that person/conversation and get consumed in it. All this does is kills your chances of actually meeting anyone else. There could be a girl checking you out across the bar and you wouldn’t even know it.

You always want to be aware of your surroundings at all times. Pick your head up and look around. If you are holding yourself well and are confident, women will check you out everywhere you go. There are thousands of women that want you right now but you need to do the right things to put your self out there so they can actually come to you.

I always check the vibe in the room. This is “awareness”. It’s like a commando sneaking into a highly-guarded facility. He doesn’t just go in guns blazing. He waits, watches, and picks up on everything going on before he goes in.

That’s the way to do it.

I always check things out before going in; if I do see a girl I think is cute I want to find out who she is with first. Is she with her boyfriend? Husband? Is it a girls’ night out? You want to find out what you are you walking into.

Too many guys believe that if they’re not running around talking to everybody, women will think they’re a quiet loser. This is b.s. By not running around, you’re letting them know that you have no agenda. You’re just chillin’; you’re confident and comfortable with yourself. You’re having a good time with the people immediately around you, and you don’t give a s**t about what anyone thinks.

Once you master the way to project this vibe to a room, women come out of the woodwork and start to make eye contact with you and will actually come to you.

But it’s an art—and you have to do it right.

Most guys don’t know how to do this and it is not something that can be taught in words. It is just like anything else—hands-on experience is the best training you can have. That’s why I recommend attending any of my boot camps. We cover all this and go through many different exercises that prepare you to go out into the real world and apply it. This is why they keep selling out. Nobody else teaches this stuff. Nobody.

Awareness, presence, and body language are the most overlooked aspects of meeting and dating attractive women.

Don’t tell women they are HOT!

In order to become great with anything in life you must start with the basics.

This week, I’d like to share with you some basic “Don’ts” for meeting women:

Don’t talk about religion or politics when you first meet a girl. Nothing good can come out of this.  They are two of the most controversial topics out there and there is no point.

Don’t talk too much.

Let her do most of the talking. Women love to talk, so let them.

Don’t feel like you need to prove anything to women.

You are the man, the “Prize”, so let her prove herself to you.

Don’t be afraid to disagree with her.

This shows that you are a man and you are not afraid to voice your opinion.  It also makes it clear that you are not a push over.

Don’t refer to women as HOT.

Instead, refer to them as CUTE. This will help you stay in control and help to eliminate all those beliefs that may cause anxiety (like “she is too HOT for me”).

Don’t answer the phone every time she calls and don’t reply to every text message that she sends you throughout the day.

For some reason guys think that they need to drop everything when a cute girl calls that they just met. Remember that you have a life and women want to be part of your life—a part, but not your entire life. If you respond to her every time and jump when she says “Jump!”, then you are only communicating that you do not have a life. This comes across needy.  Needy is bad.

When she calls or sends you a text, look at your phone, smile and go about what you were doing.  Call or text her later.  This also allows you to think about a decent response.

Don’t be afraid to cancel on her.

Women do this all the time to guys just to see how we will react. Don’t feel bad to do it right back to them.

Don’t tell her how beautiful she is over and over.

If you want to give her a compliment, fine.  But make sure you don’t over do it.  If you do compliment her, tell her that she has amazing eyes! In general, that’s something women love to hear.

Don’t stare at her tits.

Have some respect for her.  If you want to look at tits, go home and look at porn.  Look her in her eyes when you are talking to her. Be there in the moment with her.  Show genuine interest in getting to know her.

Don’t be too nice.

You will come across like a wuss-boy. Women want a man, a protector—not a stay-at-home mom.

Don’t lean in when you talk to her.

It doesn’t matter how loud it is where ever you are.  Let her lean in to you.

Don’t face her head on when you talk to her.

Take up some space and always project yourself out to the largest part of the room or where the most people are.

Don’t try to be someone you’re not.

Women will see right through you.  If she doesn’t notice right away, she will see your true colors shine through eventually.

Don’t put down others to make yourself look better.

I have had many friends in my past try to put me down just to make themselves look better to the girl I was talking to.  This doesn’t do anything but make you look like an insecure and arrogant a**hole..

Don’t talk about depressing things when you first meet a girl.

She does not care how miserable your life is and will lose interest in you right away.

Don’t show off your hairy chest.

If you wear a button down shirt with the top couple buttons unbuttoned, it shows that you are comfortable with your body.  But it is trashy if you have a hairy chest and is not attractive to women. Shave it!

Don’t call a girl a bitch just because she is a bitch to you.

Just walk away and say to yourself, “It’s her loss”. Don’t stay there and try to talk to someone that is not interested in talking with you. Why? There is no point.

Don’t let women talk down to you or disrespect you.

You are the man. Step up and act like one.

Don’t leave the house without looking into the mirror and confirming that you look good.

Women do.  Why not you?

Don’t try to come up with the perfect thing to say to women. Every woman is different and is going to act different to everything you say. If you find something that works for one girl, it is not guaranteed to work for the next.

That’s why guys that use all these complicated lines, routines, and head games don’t find the success they want. Women want to have a guy that they can really connect with.  Running lines and routines only prevents that from actually happening

Are you a hot chick or a fat chick?

Hey man,

Recently, member Bachelor Brit posed a great question about “bitchy” women in bars and clubs:

“I have lost count of the amount of times I have seen men approach a hot woman in a bar or club only to be shot down instantly and women tend to have their guard up quite high. I realize this is to block out the chumps, the nice guys but Cory what do you do if a woman is bitchy to you upon approaching her? Do you make it known that her behavior is rude or unacceptable (in a calm manner of course) or would you simply walk off straight away and approach another woman or go and do whatever it is.

I have sometimes been up to women in the past in bars where I get a bitchy attitude I know being angry isn’t the way to go obviously so I would just walk off I just assumed they weren’t interested. My energy was probably bad or something. The Nice Guy energy perhaps?

It would be interesting to hear what you have to say on this.

Thanks”

Here’s how I answered his question:

I know exactly what you are talking about with this; I have been in many situations where I have seen girls do this, and yes it is frustrating, even for me standing there watching it. No it usually doesn’t happen to me with hot women. It would happen to one of my friends that didn’t really have any game (or should I say he had no belief in himself)

I agree with all of you about how it is your mindset, and feeling like you are the prize.

It is the energy that you are projecting out when you actually talk to hot women.  Usually the girls that will come across bitchy to me are the ones that are a little less attractive and super insecure with themselves.

When I was younger my motto was “Fat chicks hate me”. It was always a joke between me and my friends because no matter how nice I was to them they would always be bitchy to me.  At the time I could not figure out why and honestly didn’t really give a shit because I had no interest in them anyways.

God’s honest truth I would go out and if I did end up in a conversation with a Fat chick or a less attractive, insecure girl she would be a total bitch to me.  For the pure fact that she knew that she could not have me and I was way out of her league, she was so insecure with her self, which her only line of defense at that point was to come across as a bitch to me.

They were not consciously trying to be a bitch to me, it was always done on a subconscious level; they did not even know they were coming off that way.

I have a lot of guys that tell me all the time that they always attract fat chicks. Well, guess what? That is because that is all that they feel they deserve.  Then they go into telling me that hot women are always bitchy to them, and guess what?  That’s because they don’t feel that they deserve the hot girl.

I know I deserve the hottest women out there and as soon as you start to internalize this mindset and actually believe that you deserve the hottest women than you will stop attracting the fat chicks and start attracting what you really want and hot women will stop being bitches to you.

You must really pay attention to the energy that you are putting off to hot women.  If you are like every other guy out there that is not so great with women you are probably putting off a negative vibe or energy to beautiful women.  You have frustration towards them and maybe a little anger built up inside for the pure fact that they never did give you the time of day and they have always rejected you.  In return you are putting off that negative vibe to them on a subconscious level when you approach them. You bring it on to yourself; before you even talk to the girl you have already destroyed any possibility to actually have a conversation with her or anything else for that matter.

Internally you feel that they are currently out of your league; the good news is that we create our own reality and you can change your current reality at any moment.

Here is one way to prevent this from happening to you until you internalize this mindset:

Stop approaching women!

By approaching her all you do is set yourself up for rejection, you just become every other guy when you approach.  Don’t be every other guy!  Honestly if she is a hot girl you must understand that she gets approached all the time by guys with pathetic lines and it gets old after a while.

I know, because I have been in the shoes of a hot girl.  I have so many women approaching me all the time (half of whom I’m not attracted to), it really gets fucking old after a while. Yes it is flattering at first, but then you just get to a point where you are sick of it.  I would rather have that super hot connection through my eyes with a girl and then have her approach me, and women feel the same way.

Women do not like turning guys down.  They do not like having to be a bitch, if you had this sexual connection with them through your eyes before you approached her or vice versa they would actually give you the time of day and would not be bitchy to you.

You need to put yourself in women’s shoes for once.

Women are normal human beings just like us, so start looking at things from their point of view. Would you like to have a ton of fat/ugly/insecure chicks approaching you daily?  NO!

And if you did you would get sick of it?  YES!

You would rather have attractive, confident women that know how to have an intelligent conversation come up to you and just start talking to you showing genuine interest in getting to know you.

So start taking care of your self and become that sexually desirable confident guy and you will not have these women in your life.

If it does happen to you, then just act like you don’t give a fuck and walk away. DO NOT be an asshole to her.  It is not her fault that she has a ton of chumps coming up to her all the time just because she is hot.

I am going to be a little in your face with this one and say that it may not be the girl that is being the bitch—it may be you that is being the bitch. And all she is doing is just reacting to how you are acting.

Start paying attention to how you are projecting yourself when you go out.

being arrogant

Hey man,

Forum member “cool” recently posted this in my forum:

“I am naturally arrogant and rude.

I never used to be like that. I was always the nice guy. When girls started taking advantage of me, I was hurt. I began to fear and hate girls to defend myself. After years of this, it became natural for me to deal with all women using some level of arrogance and rudeness.

Women are scared of me because they sense they are not welcome. Even I would be scared of myself if I stood in front of me and saw what they see: the arrogance, fear, hatred and rudeness. I do not blame them; I thank them for allowing me to see my problem.

There is a thin line between “I am great/the prize,” and “I am better than you.” The former comes from confidence and unconditional love, and is independent of the outcome. It is firm. The latter is rooted in insecurity and conditional love, and is dependent on the outcome. It is tough.

Like the old proverb: in a storm, a blade of grass is stronger than the largest tree. The tree is big and tough (I am better than you), but will be uprooted from the force of the storm. The blade of grass is flexible yet firm (I am great/the prize). It will flatten itself on the ground at the strongest winds, but when the storm is over, it still stands. Roll with the wind, be fun and playful, but when all is said and done, stay firm without acting tough.

I now believe that it is OK to let go of the past. I am no better than anyone, yet I am still a great man. I am a confident man, who expresses unconditional love and is not dependent on any outcome. I express a fun, playful, friendly vibe everywhere I go. Being in the moment allows me to let go of the hurt I felt.

I have been practicing affirmations for forty days, and it has really helped me project my beliefs to the world. The problem now is that I project arrogance. I believe my new affirmations will truly allow me to let go of the hurt. It will take more time, but I will get there.

I wrote this not only to make myself feel better, but also to help others who may have the same issue. I believe a lot of men have been hurt enough by women in the past to hate them a little inside for it. Women treat you the way you project yourself. They just react to the energy you put out there. Realizing that it is not their fault, but ours for being weak in the first place, and that we need to let it go, is the only solution.

I am tired of coming home after a long day, only to feel worried. I do not want to get a sick sense of satisfaction knowing that I got some vengeance over a woman by being arrogant and rude. I want to be proud of my day, to know that I conquered my fears and made my life better.”

–cool

“Cool”, I hate to say this but you misunderstood your intention.  You took a simple concept—“I am great” and transmuted it into “I am greater than you”.

What I teach is simple, don’t try to look deep into it and figure it out, I have already done that; that is my job. All you need to do is apply the simple exercises I give you and I promise you they will work.

This is not good.

No wonder you were getting a negative response.  Arrogance is not attractive and you know that.  To believe in yourself 100%, you don’t need to be arrogant.  In fact, arrogant people are the ones who do NOT believe in themselves 100%, it is a cover up for there own insecurities.  (remember that when you see some guy that is totally being arrogant when you are out)  When you believe in yourself 100%, you don’t give a s—t about how anybody else compares to you.

I know it can be difficult to grasp, especially as you begin to make affirmations a part of your everyday life.  It makes sense.  If you’ve been living a life full of fear and low self-esteem, it’s a natural reaction to see yourself as better than others once your beliefs begin to take hold.

BUT… and this is an important BUT… you cannot allow it to progress over to the dark side of believing in yourself.  Trust me, the arrogant guys do well for a while but they end up losing everything after a very short period of time, friends, family, and the women.

Don’t be one of them.

In all my teachings, there is nothing but respect for others and a positive belief and respect for yourself.  You goal is to be confident, not to think you are better than others.  Your focus should always be on being the best that you can be, don’t worry what others are doing.

“Cool”, I think you’ve figured this out and are now changing your path.  Keep up the good work.