May 19, 2008
Hey man,
Juhani from Finland asks: “Cory, how do you handle “S—t Tests”?”
First of all, I hate the term “S—t Test”. (You see the abbreviated word due to email protocols, but I think you know the term.)
The “community” has labeled “S—t Test” as something a woman says or does to make a man:
a) Kiss up to her. Or… b) Stand his ground as a strong man.
Forget a). Never, ever kiss up to a woman. Ever. Got that? Good. Always do b).
It’s what she really wants you to do.
But whatever you call it—this does happen. Women DO ask questions that can put you on the defensive. It’s just a fact of life. I’m not going to attempt to explain why by going into a complicated lecture on biology and the reproductive rites of the evolution of man. I leave that to others.
The way to handle it is to use an improvisational comedy technique called “Yes, and…” When “improv” actors are on stage, they create the habit of accepting whatever situation the other actor throws at them. For example one actor says “Doctor, we have to operate now!”
The second actor thinks quickly and says, “Yes, and luckily I have a case of surgical instruments with me right here.” By accepting the first actor’s situation, the second actor has helped to create the scene. If he hadn’t, there would have been an imbalance and the scene would have been killed on the spot.
When you do this it allows you to come back with an immediate response.
Now, what does this have to do with talking to women?
When a woman (or anyone, for that matter) throws a wild question at you, agree with the premise. Think “Yes, and…” (even though you don’t actually have to say “Yes, and…”) This is a great way to avoid arguments. Even when I personally disagree with someone, first I always agree and take their point of view.
Then I present my viewpoint in a way that is not in opposition to their point of view. This is a very important tactic when dealing with people in all kinds of situations where conflict may arise. Most of the time people just want to be heard. As long as you can make them understand that you see their point of view, then they are much more willing to accept yours.
Whether on stage, in business, with friends, or when meeting women… being defensive creates a sense of opposition. This further generates an imbalance of power. It destroys the scene, the deal, or the conversation.
Here’s an example of what I mean:
Her: “You are just trying to get me to sleep with you.”
You: “Wow, That’s exactly what I was looking to do. I am glad you finally figured it out. I guess now that you know, it will never happen.”
When you agree it is almost always funny, and rarely do they believe a word you say. In fact if you’re defensive, people will think you ARE whatever it is you’re being defensive about. However, if you agree with whatever they are saying about you, then they do not actually believe you.
Get it? Okay, here’s another example (using a very common question):
Her: “So how many women have you been with?”
You: “Oh, I don’t know… about five or six hundred.”
Please understand that women don’t really want to know the answer to this. This is something they do unconsciously to force you into a position to prove yourself. But as long as you don’t get defensive, you’re okay and you come out on top.
Defensiveness shows pure insecurity. Being able to admit you are something bad, and be proud of it shows incredible confidence. The funny thing is no one actually believes you when you admit it.
This is why when you tell a girl that you’re seeing ten women right now she doesn’t believe you… and yet she becomes more attracted to you because you flipped it around on her by throwing out a ballsy (but funny) answer.
That’s how you handle a “S—t Test”.
May 6th 2008
Hey man,
On the last day of the Bad Boy With A Heart Bootcamp here in Sarasota, Florida, I took my students out to The Tiki Bar for lunch.
We all sat at the bar. I placed myself at the end. I do this on purpose. I always sit in the best place… the place that actually separates me from everyone else. So, if a girl walks by, I have the opportunity to hit eye contact with her… which opens up the possibility to actually get to know her.
About 10 minutes after we sat down, a group of 3 girls and 2 guys walked up to the other end of where the students were sitting at the bar. One of the girls was super cute.
My student sitting on the end started going against everything we were talking about all weekend. He fell into his old way of thinking (what the “community” taught him) and started throwing openers and banter lines out to the girl standing next to him.
I was watching him totally mess up this interaction the entire time… shaking my head. The girl he was talking to was shaking her head as well.
Meantime, I was hitting eye contact with the super cute girl that was behind them. After her group ordered their drinks, they walked to a table and sat down. Super cute girl conveniently placed herself where she could see me so we could continue to hit eye contact. Her companions sat in spots where I could not see them from my seat.
I continued to hit eye contact with super cute girl. A few minutes went by. Then, one of the guys in the group came up to me and told me that his sister was talking about me and wanted to meet me. (The power of the eyes at work!)
I talked to him for a few minutes… just chillin’ like I always do… no jumping up and getting all excited (which most guys would do). I just acted like I didn’t care to really meet her.
While we chatted, my coaches took the students back to the seminar room. I stayed behind.
Once they were gone, the brother called his sister over and everyone else came up to the bar. I walked over and started talking to super cute girl… with whom I had been consistently hitting eye contact while talking to the guy.
It was so simple. I said, “So you wanted to meet me, huh?” as I looked into her eyes… not thinking about anything else.
Instant connection.
Then, one of the other girls asked me if I knew that guy that was at the other end of the bar. I said “Yeah, he is a friend of mine. Why?”
They all laughed. She started talking about the pickup lines he was using on her. She went on to tell me what he said but honestly I don’t remember what it was.
She said, “Wow! Now, I’ve heard them all!”
I laughed along with them. Then, the girl I was talking to asked me to go with them to hang out at some party. Obviously, I couldn’t because I had to get back to the bootcamp.
So, I told her I had to get going. She offered me her number. I said, “Here, I will write mine down. Give me a call if you would like to hang out some time.”
The point is that while everyone is sitting and eating like they normally do, I am picking up women… like I normally do.
There were no stupid pickup lines. There was no approach anxiety. (Heck, there wasn’t even an approach!) There was no frustration or negative thoughts going through my head. It was just purely natural… the way I always meet women.
You can pick up women like this all the time. It doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing… as long as you’re aware, laid back, chill, and comfortable in your own skin.
But most of all… you’re just having a good time wherever you are.
(And with my instruction, my student who messed up the interaction has since stopped using those lines by internalizing the correct Magnetic Mindset and has improved immensely. He realized that is not the way.)
May 12, 2008
Hey man,
Fengshui, a member of my forum wrote an amazing post last week. It moved me so much that I want to reprint it here in case you missed it. It totally nails my entire philosophy of being good with women. Here it is:
“There is an underground band I absolutely love. And they were playing in my town tonight. So I went out alone. Man, I felt nervous going out by myself. For the last nine months, I’ve been out for a total of one time. Nine months is a lot of time to work on your walls, fears and limiting beliefs. So I put on my headphones, laid back and listened to CD1, read the weekly mails and got my internal energy centered.
To make the story short, at the end of the night I was sitting at the table with the band. No loss of conversational topics, the vibe was perfect and the only girl at the table gave me her number when I said “well…I guess…I’ll see you around?”
Guys, I was social, I was confident, I was relaxed, I was in the moment and enjoying every minute of it. Time seemed to just fly by. I felt joy and I appreciated everything. The form of the table, the shape and colors of the plants in the corner, the fresh air I was breathing, comfortable friendships I was forming. I enjoyed everything about being right there in the present moment.
Guys, when your mindset is right and you are in the moment, there is no need to think what I should say next. There is no need for bullshit routines for dhvs, dqs, asdfs and whatever. When you follow Cory’s teachings, you become the natural male you were intended to be and you understand that what you’re talking about really is only about 7% of communication. It was liberating to just go out, NOT DRINKING, being social in the moment and having a ton of fun! 
Being in the moment is a phrase so short that I missed it completely the first few times I heard it, cause I had a hard time understanding what it really meant. It contains almost a whole life philosophy. It is when there is no past to think about, and no future to worry about, only the present moment where the only concept of time is right here right now.
Understand that the present moment is all there ever was. When the past happened, it happened in the present and the future will happen in the present. With that in mind, there is no past to brood and feel bad about. The shit that happened to you in the past doesn’t exist and your childhood wasn’t so much better then what you have now.
Your past problems are not your identity - it was just a life situation you had to change. Your present problems are not your identity either. It’s just your current life situation. You are not the guy who is [insert limiting belief here]. It’s JUST your fucking life situation at the moment.
You don’t have to worry about your future either, because the future is only an inaccurate worst-case scenario in your imagination that will never happen. Plus when the future comes, it will happen in the present.
This time concept of past and future screws guys up because we start to think. Not free thought. We think what we’ve been conditioned to think. And thinking works against us most of the time.
Einstein said school was holding him back from his education. Scientists are seen as uncreative because they think too much. Their biggest revelations and solutions to answers often came when they were not thinking and just being creative by being in the moment.
That is why being in the moment is so important. No past negative thinking and no future worries. What is left is a state of peace and plain joy! For example, try to listen to the silence. Just listen to the silence for a bit. If there are cars outside of your window, listen for the silent moments between the cars or if you’re listening to music, listen for the short pauses between the words.
Look around you. Take in and appreciate feelings of your clothes touching your skin, the feelings of your legs touching the floor, the smell, notice the lighting in the room, colors and shapes of the plants - all while listening at the silence and being in the moment.
You will notice that you don’t think about your problems, your past or your future. You don’t feel anger, uncertainty, resentment, hate, guilt, sadness, depression or any other negative emotion. You instead feel a sense of relaxed peace and joy.
Children are in the moment and we are all born confident. We need to get back to that state. Dreaming big dreams and enjoying life as it happens. Not in the future or past but right here and now in the present moment. That to me is being in the moment.
Imagine when you were a kid and you were racing your bike fast down a big hill. You were being in the moment and you didn’t think. No mental disturbance. You were totally absorbed in the present and being in the moment. As I’m writing this I am totally in the moment, and I feel so good right now it’s hard to explain.
Imagine being in this state of mind all the time and additionally having the beliefs Cory talks about. There’s no wonder you’d be a sexual attractive powerhouse when you finally get this way of living.
Fengshui”
Bravo, man! I couldn’t have said it better.
April 28, 2008
Hey man,
One of the questions I get asked most often is:
“Cory, all the other pickup gurus force their students to approach every woman they see. Why don’t you do this?”
The short answer: It’s creepy, and it’s easier to do the prep work and have women come to you.
It really is. I’ve watched guys who have been through other boot camps go up and approach almost every single woman in a bar.
What have they just done? They just sent an alarm out to everyone in that bar that they are a creepy m.f. They obviously have no sense of connection, quality, or awareness. If you just go randomly talking to everybody, you come across as needy and it sends out a bad vibe to every woman in that place.
I am not saying that you can’t be social; all I am saying is that if your intention is to go out to a bar just to talk to women then you will come across creepy. I have seen it way too many times.
Stop it now.
Here’s what I do when I walk into a bar:
I enter with power and presence… with a belief that “I’m the prize”. This is projected to the entire room through my body language, my posture, and my eyes as soon as I walk in. I check everybody out. I gaze the entire room. I make eye contact with pretty much everyone in the place. I find the “sweet spot” which is the place where I can stand and gaze at the largest part of the room. I order a drink. I chill. I talk to whoever’s around me where I’m standing and continue to gaze around the room even when I am talking.
Many guys go out and start a conversation with someone (which is fine) but they tend to give 100% attention to that person/conversation and get consumed in it. All this does is kills your chances of actually meeting anyone else. There could be a girl checking you out across the bar and you wouldn’t even know it.
You always want to be aware of your surroundings at all times. Pick your head up and look around. If you are holding yourself well and are confident, women will check you out everywhere you go. There are thousands of women that want you right now but you need to do the right things to put your self out there so they can actually come to you.
I always check the vibe in the room. This is “awareness”. It’s like a commando sneaking into a highly-guarded facility. He doesn’t just go in guns blazing. He waits, watches, and picks up on everything going on before he goes in.
That’s the way to do it.
I always check things out before going in; if I do see a girl I think is cute I want to find out who she is with first. Is she with her boyfriend? Husband? Is it a girls’ night out? You want to find out what you are you walking into.
Too many guys believe that if they’re not running around talking to everybody, women will think they’re a quiet loser. This is b.s. By not running around, you’re letting them know that you have no agenda. You’re just chillin’; you’re confident and comfortable with yourself. You’re having a good time with the people immediately around you, and you don’t give a s**t about what anyone thinks.
Once you master the way to project this vibe to a room, women come out of the woodwork and start to make eye contact with you and will actually come to you.
But it’s an art—and you have to do it right.
Most guys don’t know how to do this and it is not something that can be taught in words. It is just like anything else—hands-on experience is the best training you can have. That’s why I recommend attending any of my boot camps. We cover all this and go through many different exercises that prepare you to go out into the real world and apply it. This is why they keep selling out. Nobody else teaches this stuff. Nobody.
Awareness, presence, and body language are the most overlooked aspects of meeting and dating attractive women.
April 4, 2008
Hey man,
Bob in L.A. asks: “Cory, I heard you don’t believe in wingmen. Can you tell me why?”
Look, guys, once and for all, get all that “Community” language out of your head.
There is no such thing as a “wingman”! (Unless you fly military jets. Period.)
You are your own man. You don’t need anybody else to make you good with women. It all comes from you.
That’s what makes what I teach so different from all the other so-called “pickup gurus” out there—I am confident enough to know that I can go out wherever I want, when I want to pick up women; and know that I can have whatever girl that I want.
When you are THE Man and you know it, women sense it and are drawn to you. Whoever you’re with—wingmen or not—become invisible. That’s right. They just disappear.
Why?
Because the attraction between you and the girl is so powerful.
I can be out with guys who are clueless about women. They act all weird and gawky, but it doesn’t matter. Women can see that I’m unlike them by the way I carry myself and by the way I project my sexual energy.
Likewise, I can be out with guys who are great with women. It still doesn’t matter. What I do has nothing to do with what any other guy is doing. It’s just me and her.
So, please, stop all this “wingman” talk. Your goal should be able to be good with women no matter who you’re with—even alone.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s great to have friends. It’s great to go out with friends. But stop looking at friends as “wings” and stop looking at going out as a “mission” to pick up women. Lighten up and have some fun! Women love guys that know how to have a good time on their own.
And please guys, stop it with all the other silly language that the “Community” has invented. I don’t allow any of that talk in my boot camps or on my forum. Women are never “targets”… ever!
Women are people and must be treated with utmost respect. You are not respecting women when you refer to them as “targets”.
I love women. I love bringing pleasure and happiness to women’s lives. By teaching you how to give women what they truly want from a powerful and sexual man—all the while respecting them as the beautiful and intelligent humans that they are—I’m creating more joy in the lives of both men and women.
And there is no joy in being referred to as a “target”, a “set”, a “day2”, or a boatload of other demeaning terms.
Always remember… I’m real.
I promise to teach you how naturals fill their lives with the most stunning and smart women on the planet. Without lying. Without manipulation. Without tricks.
Think about it. We’re humans. We all want to get together. Humans have been getting together for thousands of years. The way I attract women is the natural way—the way real men have been doing it since the dawn of time. With confidence. With positive sexual energy. With a strong sense of self-worth.
March 14, 2008
Hey man,
Great question this week from Tim in Dallas:
Question: “Cory, what stories should I tell a woman when I’m talking to her?”
Answer: You should never feel like you need to come up with stories to impress her, Stop talking so much, let her do most of the talking and listen to her. When you do tell a story about something make sure it is real, don’t try and create a make believe story, she will know you made it up and that you are not being real with her and you will loose her!
There is some sort of crazy rule out there that the guy needs to be doing most of the talking.
As a true natural, I can tell you that this is the biggest load of bullshit. No natural talks more than the woman. You are the man so let her qualify herself to you.
This is what women want.
The truth is that women love to talk. Naturals are good listeners. We encourage her to talk and then tease her in a sexually flirtatious way. Trust me, there are women I’ve taken home who I said maybe five sentences to – they did all the talking.
But there’s a right way to do this and a wrong way. I had a student who was very good at listening to women talk, but he didn’t know how to respond to what she was saying in a playful and sexual way. What happened was he usually ended up becoming her “free therapist”.
Women KNOW I’m not the guy who’s going to be their free therapist. Women know the second I walk in any room that I can rock their bed off its hinges. This is the energy I project, it is so powerful and is so obvious that women will look me in the eyes and say “Your trouble” with out me even saying a word.
When I’m having a conversation with a girl and she’s talking, I’m doing three very sexual things:
I’m maintaining a powerful eye contact with her that makes everyone else in the room disappear, for myself and for her. One of the best ways to escalate sexually is through your eyes.
I’m listing to her and responding to her with a playfully sexual conversation style, and I always maintain the “I don’t give a shit attitude” Yea she is cute but I really don’t care about the outcome.
I’m leading the interaction. She senses that I’m leading and gets more turned on the more I do it.
I’m not asking for a “female opinion”. I’m not “negging” her or thinking about what I have to say next. (I don’t care) Either the attraction is there or its not, (you will be able to feel it) I am not going to waist my time with some girl when the conversation seems like work, talking to women should be fun and should flow easily. Most of all I am not qualifying myself to her.
I’m just responding to her as a powerful, sexual man who is “in the moment” with her.
That’s it! It really is that simple.
The hard part is getting to the point where this interaction is simple. The hard part is building your self-image to the level where you fucking KNOW that you are the sexiest man anywhere you go and that women want to fuck you everywhere you go.
See, I already have this belief. I know I can have what I want because of my mindset.
Install a magnetic mindset and conversations like these will become easy for you. You won’t worry about what to say because you’ll communicate everything she needs to know through your eyes, your body language, and your reactions to what she’s saying.
March 4, 2008
Hey man,
I’ve had so many questions lately that I figured I’d just dive right into the mailbag this week to answer some of them:
Question: “Cory, what do you and other naturals think about when you see a woman you’re attracted to?”
Answer: I don’t think of anything. I’m truly “in the moment”. I just look into her eyes and say, “Yeah… could be fun”. She receives the message every time.
When I do this, there are NO negative thoughts going through my head. I am not thinking about the outcome at all. I’m just playing and having fun. Just like a kid.
I’m not needy about it. I’m not desperate about having her. I’m not unhappy about whether I am with her or not. I’m not addicted to her or the situation. I can walk away at any time. I’m not going to live or die if I talk to her. I am just in a playful state of mind.
This is the best state you can be in. Its playfulness and non-threatening vibe attracts women.
Question: “Cory, how do I tell a woman I’m different from all the other slimy losers out there?”
Answer: Don’t tell her. Show her!
The catch to this is that you must believe that you are different. You must know deep in your soul that you are THE MAN. There can be no question.
A lot of guys go out and try to pretend to be THE MAN, but it’s obvious that they’re pretending. Women can smell a fake a mile away. It has to be real. You need to believe it deep down in your gut.
When you do, you’ll never need to tell a woman you’re different. She’ll just know. When you believe it, she’ll believe it.
The tough part about believing in yourself is that it doesn’t come so easily if you’ve struggled with self-confidence your entire life. In that case, you’ve got to accept the fact that it may take some time for you to instill a strong belief in yourself. It rarely happens overnight.
Remember the movie Field of Dreams… “If you build it, they will come.” That same ideology applies to women. To get the women you want in your life, change it to “If you build THE MAN within yourself, women will come.”
But you can’t fake it. It’s got to be real. Give yourself the time to build it.
